Everywhere and beyond!

I am a introvert person. I don't like being in a room filled with people, particularly at a party. Not only that but I am a insecure person when it comes to my weight and acne problems. My acne hasn't been bad lately however I do have acne scars on my cheeks and blackheads on nose. Also I am a hairy person meaning that I have some hair on face particularly the ones that shouldn't be anyplace on my face.

I am obese according to BMI, I've been trying to lose weight recently and I cannot check for results yet since it hasn't been that long since I went on diet and started to exercise more.

Anyways, the Relief Society in my branch had a celebration for the anniversary of the Relief Society in the church. When the event was over, Arleth and other girls who are in their twenties, invited me to a party in the east Los Angeles branch/stake however I declined the offer and insisting that 1). I don't want to go 2). I have a friend coming over 3). I am insecure (I didn't say this aloud only in my head) and lastly 4). I don't want to go.

My reasons were turn down and taken lightly, the girls insist that I didn't need to be expert on dancing but just moving around and shaking the hips. I do know how to dance, thank you for very much. The party started at nine thirty to eleven in the night which is also another problem because I don't like be somewhere very late at night.

Let's be honest, the purpose of dances for YSA is for dating another member in the church. I am unattractive, so why would any guy would date me to begin with? I live in the Los Angeles area, assuming there's a lot of attractive people in this area which makes my life more sadder.

This happened on Thursday and also I don't think they genuinely wanted me to go, they probably asked me since I was at the RS event. If they were genuinely with their offering, then why haven't asked me on why I didn't want to go? And telling me that they wished to have fun with me, at least that reason would make me go.


P.S. The party is for 18+.

I never realize how oblivious I am to hints. Ever since I turned eighteen which was a month ago, my mom has been bugging about my appearance and suggesting how I should look nice also I should wear make up. I do wear cosmetic however I use very minimal to appearing as if I am not wearing any make up at all. I just prefer looking a bit au naturel, to be honest.

So how does this relate to dating in any possible way? Well, I've been getting my eyebrows plucked out lately and receiving this serve from my mom's friend Rosie. One day while looking at my face she said to me that I need clean my face more often now that I am an adult. Another hint I've been picking up is since as of late my mom wants me to wear super nice clothes which I did due a $200 allowance and a distribution center for clothing were selling leftover clothes. Prior to last month my mom hardly even suggested to look super nice. She had told me in the past to not look like a hobo because I am a person who enjoys just simply wearing a tee and pants. Lastly my mom has been telling me a lot to lose weight which I should. Now you ask, how does this relate to dating? Well let me get the pieces for you to see how this comes together.

In the Church of Jesus of Latter Days, there's an organization for teenage girls called Young Women. In order for enter the Young Women, the girl must be between the ages of twelve to seventeen. This year is my last year in the Young Women organization since I started when I was twelve years old, which was six years ago.

Holy smokes, Batman! SIX YEARS ago. Unbelievable, at least to me that is.

Two weeks ago, this hit me right at my FACE. When I was in the Young Women, I was excited to leave and do practically nothing and I had this thought since I was twelve. Now graduated from the organization, I have this small regret of feeling this way. I didn't absorb my time in the YW and took into consideration that I won't have this experience again. Two weeks ago, I was approached by the second counselor in my branch. On Wednesdays, people of my branch go to church and do activities or classes. He was looking for me to go to a YSA meeting in our branch.

While at the meeting, it was just me, Suzette(a girl who I knew since I was a little girl) and Erika(knew her since I was little too). There's only guy whose a Young Adult but already has a girlfriend, probably won't participate in any Young Single Adult activities and he'd too busy with work and school.

Anyway, I felt like a fish out of water because I was in an ADULT meeting. I don't feel like an adult, I feel like seventeen year old Ashley. Though the meeting was alright, I guess that would be the most appropriate word to chose.

Today, my branch held a Christmas party which was boring to be honest. Because 1). No Santa, 2). No gifts for the children, 3). Felt like every church party that I ever been to except the Youth related activities, and lately 4). No Christmas aura or feeling to the party which lack from last year.

While sitting on a couch next to my sister and a guy Anthony(a year younger than me) and sitting on the floor while Arleth(same age) and Diana(she's thirteen and sister to Arleth). We were talking about random subjects until a guy who came back from his mission not that long ago asked us a few questions. He asked basic questions like who's eighteen and older in your branch, are going to any YSA activities (obviously to me and Artleth). It was awkward because what questions were about and we didn't know this guy very well, well most of us did but didn't knew him personally.

At one point in our conversation, me and Arleth given him our numbers for any upcoming YSA activities. Oddly enough since I didn't mention this earlier, Arleth went to a YSA dance and told us about older men at the dance which is weird. And she had to go on a "date" with a twenty-six year old man, and please note she is eighteen years old.

This is where the pieces lay, now I have date because of YSA and conforming to society. I have never been kissed or dated in my life which makes me an oddball because nowadays people my age already have more experience than me.

Well I update anything new. Also I will posting up another entry about the guys I have/had a crush on from my church.

'Til than!